Yo dont text me then not text me
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
