I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
