Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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