she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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