i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
a search helicopter?!
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize