i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
