There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
