we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
