I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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