He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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