the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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