Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
