You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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