I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I think I won the penis lottery.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Less talking, more tequila
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
