why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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