Well apparently he's into motor boating.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize