hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
