He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
