I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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