If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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