is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I just found a bag of teeth...
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
