he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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