Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
