ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
