what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Randomize
