Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
