Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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