I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
