I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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