You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
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