I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
