but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
