She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Is it penis luge time yet?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
