This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
