I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
