You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
