Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
