There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
