I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
whose parrot is this?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
