She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
