I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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