And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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