I'm sorry my penis didn't work
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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