this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Randomize
