just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
