sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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