I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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