Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
