she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
