beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
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