i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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