I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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