This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
