Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
