come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
