if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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