Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
