I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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