When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
